Back to the funny farm for me!

I came back to my sister's house because there is too much stress involving me being back at home with my mom. It seems that even though I went back all I kept hearing from my mom is how peaceful it was without me and how freeing it was. Yeah that's nice and all but the way it was said really hurt because it was like I could do way better with out you here and it was just like yeah...anyways, I am back at my sister's for a couple more days. I was oinly gone for like a day and a half from my sister's and it may be silly but I missed being woken up by screaming toddlers and toys being thrown and temper tantrums...I can't wait to be a mom. It's so exciting. I am just a huge weirdo but this is a short blog post since I have to figure out what craft Ayden and I are going to be doing tomorrow while Josh spends one on one time with mommy that he doesn't get a lot. So stay tuned for more.

You call that a weekend getaway? I do!

This weekend from last Thursday to this Sunday (so today or tonight, whenever this posts) I spent at my sister's how with two screaming toddlers. My sister's Fiance was out of town and she lives too far away to constantly visit us throughout the weekend so I spent the weekend with her to help her out. It was filled with two screaming toddlers, lots of shopping, cleaning, and building stuff...oh did I forget to mention watching the same movies over and over again. I must have watched Iron Man like 15 times because my nephew just LOVES Iron Man. But I did bring some fun craft ideas that were carried out. We made lions from paper plates and construction paper (sorry no pictures available yet, but they are awesome!) and today since we went to the park we got some pine cones and painted them...well I painted the kids ran off and played. I have a splitting headache and I have had it for four days now but let me tell you...IT WAS WORTH IT! I got to spend some time with my sister and my nephews, we played games, watched movies and although we were doing other things like cleaning and shopping and building stuff, it was fun.

I can't quite recall details of the days at this moment but I am pretty sure I can give a good summary of the days...that is, if you care to hear, or in this case read. Even if you don't, I am going to write it anyways.

Thursday

...was a pretty lax day, my sister came to pick me up because I don't know quite how to get to her house, I know the roundabout but that doesn't help me at all. So they stayed here for a bit until my Dad came to pick my brother and his friend up for something to do with working and painting or something like that. So we left from my house pretty late but when we got there is was reheated s-ghettis (how the boys say spaghetti) with colored noodles, lots of sweets and running around with crying then rounding up for bath time then off to bed they went. I stayed up a bit longer setting up things and getting ready for bed myself--plus gorging out on the sweets my sister had in her snack cabinet--then from utter exhaustion and being overwhelmed by the days events, I fell asleep on my sisters leather couch, 1) without putting a blanket on it so I didn't stick and 2) I forgot to turn off the light that was right above me; so that leads to me getting hot and sweaty from the light then sticking to my sisters sofa....wonderful. But it all turned out good, I woke up like 5 minutes after my sister turned the light off and headed to bed herself.

Friday

...wow what a wake up I had. I am used to crying babies in the morning and crying toddlers from when my sister still lived with us and I took care of my first nephew for a bit and I have also been woken up by crazy cock-a-doodling-doo roosters but nothing compared to be woken up by ear piercing toddler screeches. My lord it was like someone was jamming sticks into my ears...well more or less anyways (if you haven't noticed yet from my previous blog posts, I like analogies, personification, metaphors, and similes..a lot). We ate a hasty breakfast then hurried out to go grocery shopping which was longer than all. Before I go any further, I have to clarify that my first nephew Ayden is a tantrum and bully King, where as my second nephew Joshie, is a HUGE momma's boy and cries constantly even long after he gets attention from her so yeah we are not being cruel and my sister does know what cries are what for her kids so she is not being neglectful in the least, if anyone dares to leave a comment or email saying a remark about "oh well she must be a bad parent if he is always crying" or "obviously she isn't giving him enough attention" just zip your stupid little mouths because family is everything and there is no reason for anyone to bad mouth a family without knowing the situation (if I have done it before I don't recall so don't judge me based on probable hypocritical things). And before any people accuse my sister of being a bad parent without 1) knowing her or 2) knowing the whole stories or all the situations involving her and her kids I have got to say that she is one HELL of a DAMN good, great, awesome, wonderful, superwoman almost, MOM!!! She does what she has to for her kids, heck she gave up the master bedroom of the house for the boys to have and they have toys galor that they play with and might I add wreck constantly. and I will assume that anyone who points fingers at my sister for being a bad parent when she is NOT...that they themselves are the bad parents so leave nice comments and keep your stupid pointing finger comments to yourself. Also notice that the only time I really write out cuss words or such is when I am protecting my family. ^___^ OK anyways, He just hasn't learned to soothe himself yet which he needs to fast or he's never leaving mommy's side...well past that back to the events. So we went grocery shopping where joshie cried the entire time he was in the cart but instantly stopped crying once dear ol' mommy picked him up. After that my sister and Joshie played inside while me and Ayden went out front to make the lions. We didn't do it inside because we had glue and Ayden made one heck of a mess in front of the apartments. Anyways, we went back inside after we made the lion then Joshie was already down for a nap since he had a cold and that would also account for some, not all, of his crying...Adyen and I made brownies again. Late that night when Joshie was down for bed early because nap didn't last that long, my sister and I cleaned and organized her apartment/house while Ayden played with toys and plotted every time to re-destroy the cleanliness. I organized the cabinets in her kitchen and her pantry for the better part of the rest of the night. Practically same bed time routine for everyone but this time I put a blanket on the couch to protect myself from the harm of sticking to leather. ha ha beat that evil leather!!

Saturday

...another screeching wake up while we got the boys ready and full of food before we headed out to meet my dad, step-mom, and little brother (who is 5 so yay another toddler to the already two destructive ones..but that's OK) where we then went to IKEA and got some new furniture for the boy's room. Joshie definitely was not feeling well and wasn't liking not having all the attention from mommy because he spent the whole time we were in IKEA kicking and screeching (not screaming) and crying even when my sister held him he simmered down but still pitched a fit for the whole 2 HOURS we spent in there. Then when we quickly cleaned out the things from the boys room in the places we were going to put the new furniture, then brought it all in. Joshie was put down for a nap in my sister's room while I watched a movie for a bit with Ayden while my sister started building some of the furniture herself. That was of course until she needed my help then Ayden watched the movie by himself but then started reeking havoc and chaos while we tried to put a so-called "easy-to-assemble" toy storage unit from H-E-double hockey sticks. Yeah easy-to-assemble my butt. That thing took forever and a year to put together, plus from the way it had to be assembled I hurt my hip really badly so walked with a limp for the night. When we were FINALLY finished with it, Joshie was up from his nap so we went out to McDonalds to eat where Ayden played in the play area...well sort of played...for a bit. He was too afraid of the higher places of the play area and didn't like the dark slide because it apparently had spiders. I figured out that spiders is his code word for something he doesn't like to do, like going down the dark slide but the bigger yellow slide was OK to go down. But yeah he only played in the play area if I, Auntie Erica, would play with him. I tried my best but it was hard to move around in that tight space, even with as skinny as I am, plus my hip was hurting really bad so it was no fun. The only way Ayden would go down the slide is if I went down with him where I found that someone who has a tail bone that sticks out a little bit farther than other peoples' like mine does, shouldn't go down a slide that has a discrepancies in levelness of the slide. Meaning my tail bone rammed right into a bump on the way down, so on top of my already hurting hip, my tail bone was aching like no other. So after McDonald's, we went back to the house where we attempted to build more stuff. My sister put up these cool "V" shaped shelves for the books they had while I played with the boys. Joshie didn't like that so he cried the entire time and my sister wouldn't let me put the shelves up because she knew where she wanted them. It was almost good because Joshie soothed himself--it took him a while but he did it--until my sister was finished then he latched onto her leg and started crying again. He finally got too tired to cry and too tired to stay awake so she got him into his pajamas and what not and put him in his bed. Joshie was waiting for his other grandpa to come and visit him that night, since my dad, already saw him today [for those of you who are a bit slower on the draw, yes that means that my dad is his grandpa too.] So his other grandpa visited him and played with him while my sister and I put together the last piece of furniture for the boy's room and put it delicately into the room so that Joshie didn't wake up and of course he didn't. Other Grandpa left then Ayden and I played a fun throwing game with a stuffed monkey. Well it made him laugh although it was just throwing it back and forth between us two. I have to say Ayden has one heck of an arm, he really does. Shoot he is the next all-star what ever sport he chooses to play.Then bed time routine again for all of us.

Sunday

...another screeching wake-up and it didn't faze me as much as it did the first night but the loud drop of a toy being thrown against the wall did the trick. Not much sleep on this night and I guess I forget that not much sleep on the night before either because Joshie was just up on and off and he actually fell and bit his lip really hard while trying to get out of his bed. He wasn't feeling too well at all and we gave him his medicine but we definitely had to watch it with him because he liked the taste a little too much. We found that out when we tried to give Ayden a bit of medicine too because he was showing cold symptoms too and Joshie tried to take his for him. What happened to kids medicine being just a tid bit yucky, now they are so good kids think it's candy. Anyways, we got up and got ready, ate breakfast then my sister took me to my house where we all stayed until late. I watched the boys while my sister went to the mall to get her hair done because she needs a break too and deserves one. Ayden and I made the other lion because Joshie couldn't make one so Ayden being the good older brother he is, made Joshies for him so he would have one too. Then we played with lots of toys and my other sister and brother were over her for the weekend while I was at my sister's so they were still there when we got there. While my sister was gone and my mom was watching TV, my brother(the one that's always there), my sister(the visiting one), and I played the throwing stuffed animal game with Ayden and Joshie. Half-way through Joshie was cranky because of his cold and he was tired still from another off and on night of sleep so I set-up the play pen in the back room and put a fan in there on low to make sure it didn't get too hot in there and put him down for a nap in there with a bottle of juice. He fell asleep fast and slept for a long long time. Ayden and I went to the park while my Mom watched Joshie, although it was fairly easy because he was napping but just to be on the safe side, wouldn't want him to be unattended. We played for at the park for a bit just me and him but it was--from my estimate--a 30-40mph wind so there was sand blowing every where and it just wasn't that fun but we got a pine cone to take home and decorate. We got home and Joshie was still asleep so Ayden and I played with some more toys before it was time for his bubble bath because he was going to go home as soon as my sister got back from her hair appointment (which took way longer than expected because of some people not understanding that you can't dye dark hair to a pure white-ish bleach blonde straight away or else it would make your hair fall out. so they took my sister's time slot to fix that issue). Joshie woke up while the Ayden was in the bubble bath so I let him wake-up a bit more then put him in the water too. No I didn't leave Ayden in the water by himself, I had my brother come and watch him while I got Joshie. Joshie didn't want to be in the water for too long so I had my brother come watch Ayden again while I got Joshie dried, diapered, and clothed. My mom watched Joshie while I finished giving Ayden his bath then also got him out and dried, diapered, and clothed him...did I forget to mention combing their hair. By the time they were all dressed and that, my other brother and sister alone with my step-dad had left, they had to go home so my brother who is always there was on the computer while I played with both Ayden and Joshie with the toys. I had the big ol' monster truck toy they have at out house rammed into me and over my toes a good 20 times or so. They also ate some soft Cheetos puffs (for Joshie, I made them into small pieces too even though they were soft) and Doritos (for Ayden, only flat ones because curled ones can hurt then and get stuck easier), and they both ate a banana [that was before the chips though]. My sister finally got back and I had their shoes and socks on before she got in because I went with her real quick to visit her friend because she was supposed to go over there for his kid's birthday party that day but because her hair appointment got messed up we only went for a bit so Ayden can meet Tatum (my sister's friend's kid). Joshie and I stayed in the car because there were still a couple of toddlers and especially infants there that would've gotten really sick from Joshies cold so I took my sister's car and drove it around the neighborhood a bit while she was inside talking and the kids were playing. Joshie didn't seem to mind and we had fun, he was dancing in his car seat to the music that was playing and despite his long nap earlier he was dozing off a bit. I bet he was feeling a lot better after that nap though because that was the longest he slept for two days because of his cold. Then my sister took her car back and we came back to my house where Ayden and I decorated the pine cone with some gold glitter glue and beads then they gathered all their stuff, cleaned the mess they made and went home because Ayden was going to spend the night at his other grandma's house. It was quite a day today too. It was nice having some peace and quite but at the same time sad. My four day splitting headache was well worth it.

Oopsie, I did forget to mention every time we saw a movie but heck what to do. So that's all of it and telling from how long of paragraphs I have for the days, I am not a good summarizer. Oh well.

If any of you were wondering why in the title I called this eventful weekend and a day (since the weekend technically starts on Friday) a getaway, then I will explain a bit. On my previous posts I believe I have told that my mom is sick and because she is sick I stay home and take care of her. Since she's sick, I tend to worry too much and stay too close to her to watch her and make sure she gets better and what not but that was getting a bit too much for both of us. She is going to have to return to work hopefully soon and I told myself that if I didn't spend this weekend away from my mom then I will never separate myself from her and I will still worry too much. That is not to say that I didn't want to spend time with my sister it's just that it's scary when someone that's really close to you is sick. Even though I know that some of the things with her illness are out of my control, just being there and watching her while she is sick makes me feel safe because knowing me, I know I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to my mom when I could have been there to help her. Some people know what I am talking about but some people who haven't experience someone being sick for so long like this might not know what I am talking about. But this weekend was not just to spend time with my sister and nephews who I hardly see, but to prove to myself that my mom can and will be fine if I am not there every second of the day to watch her with her medicine. I was a bit sick the first day I was at my sisters and I wanted to go home but I stayed. I made the right choice. Now I can feel easier about leaving home a bit more even though she is still sick. I can't control everything and my trying to control it and help tends to be a bit too much for both me and my mom. Although my helping her has become routine for me and her but it wore us both out mentally and emotionally because it's hard for her too, being a mom and being so strong for your kids then suddenly having to rely on them so much. My mom is a strong and prideful person, it's really really hard for her to say she needs help when she does because it's not that she wants to seem weak to others but for some reason, in her mind, it makes her feel weak, needing support from someone else when you know it was something that you used to be able to do by yourself. Well my short explanation has turned into a long one. Anyways, all in all it was a worth while weekend and I look forward to doing it again.

Anyways, that's all I wanted to blog about, my four days of fun and what else it meant and such..so yeah. I might put pictures up later too.

Whoa! long time no see!

Well I haven't really been on in a while, too much going on. My Mom's doctor's are finally getting her medications right although they are adjusting them now and are doing horrible at adjusting but at least they are doing something now. Dad keeps pushing for me to go to school because apparently I am not human, I am a sponge and I suck knowledge up (lol). No but seriously, I do plan to go back to school but it's annoying to be pushed to go when I am not sure what to do at the moment because I lost my inspiration to become a Vet (don't know how but I did), so I am back to square one.

My step-dad...where to begin with that two-timing, no good, mooching, drinking, butt wipe! Oh I know, he has no problem telling my mom off when he thinks somethings wrong or something is not to his KINGLY likings, but when it comes to his ex-wife he turns into a scared turtle balled up in his shell. I have no problems with my step-brother and sister--well besides normal sibling problems like don't touch my stuff--but it's annoying that they practically live with us and whenever they come over it's like NO RULES apply to them. What is up with that? Not only that but I just love*note sarcastic tone* how he can sit back all cozy and make fun of my brother (who bear in mind is Autistic so zoning out is common and has hemophilia so has LIMITATIONS [not can't completely do] with sports and such), but his kids sit around and do nothing at all but watch TV and eat junk food and act like spoiled brats. I just want to hit my step-dad upside the head with the book "Common Sense." He has no right making fun of my brother because he is different and especially when his kids are not different but they act like the do...does anyone besides me see the problem here. Sure they know how to follow orders but they sure as heck can't think freely. I can GUARANTEE that when he lived by himself, he NEVER got his kids this much and the ex-wife is a huge female dog!!
On top of that my step-dad is a pain in the butt--and this next part might seem silly to you but it's not to me and before you jump to random assumptions, read thoroughly--I told him not to touch any of the weeds out back because I was going to do them. Yeah that was like 3 days ago BUT I was kind of busy with something else and I was having a huge insomnia thing going on for like a month, so by the time I wake-up with how sensitive I am to the sun, I can't go outside till it gets later. It may not be a big deal to anyone because who wants to pull weeds, right? But it really made me angry that he went out there today and weed-whacked all of them because 1) I said I was going to do them and I SERIOUSLY was going to do them, 2) My golly, forgive me oh holy step-father that it wasn't done on your gosh darn schedule!*very sarcastic and angry* 3) I wanted to do the weeds because I wanted to do something outside that didn't involve sports!, 4)It's a stress reliever for me, I wanted to do it to relieve some stress, plus I am more detailed when it comes to doing this type of stuff, 5) I like being proactive and working outside on landscaping, heck I used to help my Dad all the time when he used to work out in the yard, and 6)He WEED-WHACKED them, how stupid can a guy get; everyone knows that you don't freaking weed-whack weeds because they grow back faster and duh you have to wait for them to grow TWICE as big because they have to get sturdy again! (I don't care if the machine itself is called a weed-whacker, it really shouldn't be used on weeds because it makes things worse. use it on Crab-grass for crying out loud).

One of my aunt's just had a benign tumor removed from her neck and we are all glad that the surgery went well and so far no bad after effects have occurred, where as my one of my other aunt's is to have two upcoming surgeries to fix what previous ones have done. She had gastric bypass and because she lost SO much weight they had to do a lot of surgeries to make it more comfortable for her (seriously, she don't care if she has some saggies but 30 lbs of extra sag just pulling on you hurts like a sun-of-a-gun). We hope that these will be the last surgeries she will need but you never know with doctors these days.

Yeah this seems like chaos to most people but to me it's just another ordinary day. Our family is basically living proof of Murphy's Law: "Anything bad that CAN happen, WILL happen." Well more or less we are....I guess I am sort of the black sheep in the family when it comes to that, but I don't want to jinx it so that is all I am going to say about that.

With all that aside, I did have a really fun day when my sister came over with my nephews. My first nephew Ayden and I made brownies. He made the cutest face when he took a bit of the chocolate from the bowl, oh was it funny. And my second nephew Joshua couldn't keep still and it was fun seeing him so energetic. Of course, every day needs to be rewound and backed up with a nice relaxing bubble bath. Unfortunately for me, the bath was for my nephews and not me. It was a bubble invasion, I say!! I didn't know bubble made suck a mess. Lol -^.^-

Anyways, enjoy the following pictures and films from the day. The films are of Joshua dancing to the music from the toy in his hands *pats myself on the back and says to self in a sarcastic tone "Thank you Captain Obvious, it's not noticeable at all"*. You can see my Sister (the one who's pressing the button and my brother at the computer chair in the back ground. The pictures are of Ayden helping me with the brownies (although I am not shown in the pictures) and yes I am VERY aware that we are sitting on the counter(with a chair for him to get down safely) and that he is not wearing a shirt. I took it off of him because it's his first time making brownies and despite how old he looks he is only about 2 1/2 and turning 3 this May so I didn't know how messy it would get but I was surprised to see how patient he was...that was until his little brother started playing with one of his toys then he couldn't sit still. I remember that phase where I didn't want to share any toys with my younger siblings too, but of course I only had one younger sibling and a pain in the butt older sibling.

I have no idea why the films are sideways, I have tried to correct it but to no avail. It is still cute nonetheless. Also, ignore the sound of my voice talking from behind the camera telling them to dance and what not. The camera makes it sound weird plus I was talking in one of those voices for little ones talk.

Title: Joshua Dancing Part I

Title: Joshua Dancing (then attacking) Part II

That's the reason no one chose Hilary!

MSNBC released an article about President Barack Obama pushing for UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE. (if you would like to read the article then go here http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29524754) Yeah it all sounds fine and dandy and I am pretty sure that movie "Sicko" made by Eric Moore makes Universal Health Care sound fun and good for the people but really it's not. It means higher taxes for us, probably under the FICA where we won't get any of it back come tax time, and If under universal health care then there will be a limit to the number of surgeries/operations/biopsies/autopsies/etc...that a hospital is allowed to give per year. More that likely this will lead to a lack in the FDA's role and what not in securing that prescriptions and drugs are safe for us because what do they care, they will get paid less, right?

That's of course stuff they will leave out. I know that Mrs. Hilary Clinton was not allowed to bring up the subject because it was found NOT to be in the best interest of the economy so why not let it be brought up when Barack Obama is in office. I am willing to bet that there are more efficient ways to help our economy without making it into universal health care only. Why not put caps on the amount of money that health care insurance places can charge. People in that industry are rich and they rip you off half the time. It doesn't matter if you pay for their insurance or not they will look for any reason not to pay your medical bills. There needs to be a law in effect that makes it illegal for health insurance companies to not pay for procedures and stuff when you pay for it, except when something is against their regulations. There also needs to be insurance for those with preexisting conditions like hemophilia, autism, and what not. Those people aren't in control of what they are born with, so why should they be punished by not having the insurance to pay for their medical needs. that's INHUMANE to do!!

Also what about all these prescription places making you pay crap loads of money for a few tiny pills. They cannot be THAT hard to make and/or produce. They are smart though, they know that they are needed so they put a price tag on your life, probably justifying their greed with something like: "there is no price when it comes to you or your family's well being." Really they are saying in the back of their heads: "this is the only drug they need to survive or help them and so we will charge an arm and a leg and get rich from their suffering." This is one of the huge economic depressors. If there was a limit to how much they can charge for a tiny pill that lasts only a couple of hours then there wouldn't be such a huge hole in the economy.

Even though it's not the best points in the world they are something that is easily removed come the time our economy strengthens and it's a H-E-double hockey sticks better than universal health care. If you don't believe me do some research on it. I mean come on, the reason everyone is coming to America to be a health care provider is because of the money. I understand that we have things set-up the way they are for a reason and to go against what we worked so hard to gain would be outright wrong. It's unconstitutional to have Universal Health Care.

I would love to hear your opinions and views on this subject, feel free to leave some comments and share this with others so they know what to expect. Yeah it sounds all good but research it for yourself because a book's cover may look good but the pages and words inside may be different than expected. To help out I went and searched for U.H.C. Pros and Cons, check it out at http://www.balancedpolitics.org/universal_health_care.htm The cons(in this case the no) outweighs the pros (in this case the yes). Doesn't that tell you a bit of something.

how to deal....

Recently, my friend from high school and her husband--who for our own little reason I call them mom and dad--well they found out that they were going to have a bundle of joy coming soon (refer to an earlier blog post of mine for more details). Unfortunately, it didn't last. Only after eighteen weeks from being conceived, the baby died in the womb. Doctors don't know why the baby died but when it comes to things like this, who really knows besides God. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like for her, I can only support her as best as I can. But I believe that things happen for a reason and that the only reason why it was not her time to have joy in having a child just yet is that god is looking out for her because he knows that there is hardships ahead that will make it harder for her and her husband to deal with a child. Or who knows what else it is. When the time comes for her to have a child, that child will be blessed with more love in the world than he/she will know what to do with and also that, that child will be even more precious to them. It may seem heartless for me to say but it is kind of lucky that the baby died so early on because although the bond and attatchment is there and strong, it's not as strong as if it died later on, like 6 month or 7 months, something like that. Plus they haven't gotten any baby stuff which makes for a blessing in a way for them because I know it would be hard after losing a child to have all this baby stuff set-up then to have to look at it everyday. That would be absolute torture.

Brother's are a pain in the butt.

I am huge on family togetherness and everything but it only works really if everyone else wants to be together too. We are really close but the relationship between me and one of my brothers is that of a chain saw and a tree. They don't go well with each other unless one is cutting the other down constantly. It's quite frustrating. I am bi polar but I usually have it under control but my bad side always comes out with this particular sibling. We are always at each other's throats and we very very rarely are not fighting with each other. It's just a Que for us that once we see the other, it's an instant fight. It doesn't matter what it is, we just fight about every little thing. It's extremely hard for me currently because the doctor told me I need to tone it down with the fighting and stuff because it's negatively effecting my health so I have been trying real hard to stop but it's a force of habit when we two are together. That and I don't take any medication for my bipolar disorder. I don't need to since the only one who offsets it is my brother and occasionally my mother. Some people just know what buttons to push that trigger it off, or if it's been one of those days I go off for no reason. But I refuse to believe that pills fix everything when they don't. most times they cause more problems so I most definitely refuse to take them. Instead I study and practice homeopathic remedies. They are much better on the body then all the harmful chemicals found in pills and stuff that doctors prescribe. Anyways, this was more of a rant than anything. Sometimes I just like to think that my blog is like a diary and I write whatever. The only difference between a diary and this blog is that one is public and the other is private. But people have bought me many diaries and I never use them for diaries, I write notes in them for everyday things and that but never personal stuff. I don't know why. I am most definitely weird. Maybe because it's too much of a hassle to try and hide a diary from family and I don't like how they can use it as blackmail if they did. I guess my way of thinking is reverse from most people. Oh well. I don't mind what people think of me really. It's their opinion.

boredum creations.

I got bored and I mean really bored. I took a sketch that I have and I colored it in paint. Here's the before and after pictures. Beware the color version is a bit messy since I was using basic paint and even though I was bored I was kind of being lazy too. anyways....

Before.... After...

This is a picture of my role play character that I use for creative writing enhancement. Her name is Ryoko Mitsirughi and yeas she has weird ears, that's because she is a wolf demon. Yes I am weird. Oh well.

Learning is Fun!

Or it might just be me who thinks that way. Currently I am not in school but I do plan to go to college. While looking for colleges I try to see how similar to my high school they will be as far as class activities, participation, and finding fun and inventive ways for you to learn.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

Fundamentals of Allied Health Class
Gown Lab/Day

This is Me. We had to dress up in gowns to learn the correct way of taking them off before going outside and doing the lab part. It was fun.

We first changed from the expensive cloth gowns to the disposable ones. Then we all went outside and had fun messing around, splattering fake blood on each other. It was to simulate blood or body fluid splashing on your during a surgery.

After that we had to take it off without getting the fake blood on our clothes. It was to practice safe and correct gown removal so as to not get any pathogens, bacteria, viruses, and diseases on us. Safety is Priority.
Wound Bandaging Lab/Day

We got to learn about controlling bleeding and bandaging it up using a fake arm attached to an IV drip filled with fake blood. It's designed to bleed the three different types of bleeds that can occur. I can't remember names at the moment but I know there is three of them. That was fun. Everyone thinks I look drunk in this picture. Do I really? lol

We had to pretend that our partners had several different types of injuries and then bandage them up accordingly. It would range from impaled objects to abrasions, to amputations and so on and so forth. This is me bandaging my partner and friend Alida. She's deaf so although she looks like she is injured she is actually just seeing what her interpreter was saying since there was an announcement, plus she was tired. I promise I didn't really injure her.

Eye Dissection Lab

Don't worry, it's a sheep's eye and it died of natural causes. Trust me, I wouldn't dare do this to a sheep's eye or any animals eye if it DIDN'T die of natural causes because I am a HUGE animals rights activist. This lab was to determine and identify the parts that make out eyes work. The eyes between animals and humans are no different except for maybe shape depending on species but still functionally the same.

After the first cut, I can't remember the parts so forgive me but it's pretty cool. There is a clear liquid in the eye that keeps that white ball to stay in it's place.

This is both halves of the eyeball but showing different parts. The right half(near the thumb), is the front part of the eyeball whereas the left part(at the top of the palm), is the back part. The clear-ish piece on the fingers was attached to the inside of the front part of the eye.

This is what the left half of the eye from the above picture looks in a close-up and after that thin layer of clear tissue was removed. This is eye pigmentation if I am correct. Pretty cool that this is actually in our eyes.

My group. Alida got to make the first cut, she had to cut away the fat tissue around the sclera that keeps the eye in place in the eye socket besides the muscles. Plus she could see the nerve that extends and attaches to the brain better than me since I didn't have my glasses or contacts and Madison had a hurt arm. Don't be fooled, those are not glasses we are wearing but protective goggles. Who knows what might fly. We had to keep that part on the eye as part of the lab.

I got to make the second cut into the eye. I had to cut the eye in half. Oh there was this popping sound then liquid pooling out. But it was pretty cool.

These are types of things that I look for when looking for classes, not particularly these activities but the class fun and learning things from experience and what not. Learning can be fun and creative. Heck when I tutored kids everything would be made into a way for the kids to learn it and not be bored out of their minds. Like baking cookies to learn fractions.

meltdown over.

I have to admit, after a good long cry which I very rarely do. It seems to have eased my mind a bit in some odd way. I am trying to set-up the best system to help my sister as best as I can and if needed as fast as I can(since she lives far away). it's still in its beginning stages so yeah...sorry for the public meltdown. I will leave the previous post up because I am still lost on some things so if you think you can help then please give your guidance. I will accept what you have to offer if anything.

It's hard for me to say...

It's hard for me to say...
How totally and utterly scared I am.
It's hard for me to say...
That I know that I cannot fix everyone or the world, but I want to.
That I cannot do or handle something.
It's hard for me to say...
No to someone in need of help.
That even though I am strong, I too am weak.
It's really the hardest thing for me to say...
That I need a break sometimes too.
That I need help even though I don't want to fail anyone.

I hate breakdowns but I cannot stand how childish I am for posting it on a blog but i do need help and I cannot risk putting more stress onto my mom who is ill and my grandparents who are way too far away to do anything and the worry won't do them any good. I don't care if people think I am posting something like this up for pity or attention, I know I am not so it doesn't bother me.
I am lucky, however, that I value my life more than death in these times because then I would have to kill myself again if I did ever do that, because even as a soul I couldn't "live", so to speak, with myself for doing that. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't mind people coming to me for help but I hate that when they do that sometimes all I can do is just stand back, helpless. I can't protect everyone although I want to. Especially when it is my family. I get so mad when people threaten anyone in my family, even my brother who acts like a king. I can't help it, it's how I was raised.
But now I am completely helpless, I can't protect my sister or my nephews in anyway. They live too far from me and all I can offer her is that she can call me if things are bad and I can come over and pick her up or take the boys or whatever so they are not in danger. But it's still so long of a drive that I fear something might happen during that time and it scares me out of my mind. You would think that all I have been through with my wacky family, that I would not be so freaked out but for once I honestly do not know what to do. It's just scary with all that's going on with her and her stupid monkey butt of a fiance` who everyone knows is cheating on her, cannot stand kids, especially infants(but has one), has anger issues, and is most times unpredictable. There is no doubt in my mind that IF he ever killed my sister(GOD FORBID!), that his mother would protect him and help him hide the body and stuff. I probably shouldn't think such thoughts when I am distressed like this but I cannot stop myself from thinking them.
I try to plan ahead and think of what to expect but I know that isn't possible. I don't know what to do and if anyone has any guidance or advice to give I will gladly accept them. Again I am sorry if I sound very pitiful right now and just looking for attention but I am really not. You never know who looks at these blogs and maybe someone who has been through a similar situation just might come along and see this and can give me advice based on their situation. Oh I don't know. I am too hopeful I guess.