how to deal....

Recently, my friend from high school and her husband--who for our own little reason I call them mom and dad--well they found out that they were going to have a bundle of joy coming soon (refer to an earlier blog post of mine for more details). Unfortunately, it didn't last. Only after eighteen weeks from being conceived, the baby died in the womb. Doctors don't know why the baby died but when it comes to things like this, who really knows besides God. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like for her, I can only support her as best as I can. But I believe that things happen for a reason and that the only reason why it was not her time to have joy in having a child just yet is that god is looking out for her because he knows that there is hardships ahead that will make it harder for her and her husband to deal with a child. Or who knows what else it is. When the time comes for her to have a child, that child will be blessed with more love in the world than he/she will know what to do with and also that, that child will be even more precious to them. It may seem heartless for me to say but it is kind of lucky that the baby died so early on because although the bond and attatchment is there and strong, it's not as strong as if it died later on, like 6 month or 7 months, something like that. Plus they haven't gotten any baby stuff which makes for a blessing in a way for them because I know it would be hard after losing a child to have all this baby stuff set-up then to have to look at it everyday. That would be absolute torture.

Brother's are a pain in the butt.

I am huge on family togetherness and everything but it only works really if everyone else wants to be together too. We are really close but the relationship between me and one of my brothers is that of a chain saw and a tree. They don't go well with each other unless one is cutting the other down constantly. It's quite frustrating. I am bi polar but I usually have it under control but my bad side always comes out with this particular sibling. We are always at each other's throats and we very very rarely are not fighting with each other. It's just a Que for us that once we see the other, it's an instant fight. It doesn't matter what it is, we just fight about every little thing. It's extremely hard for me currently because the doctor told me I need to tone it down with the fighting and stuff because it's negatively effecting my health so I have been trying real hard to stop but it's a force of habit when we two are together. That and I don't take any medication for my bipolar disorder. I don't need to since the only one who offsets it is my brother and occasionally my mother. Some people just know what buttons to push that trigger it off, or if it's been one of those days I go off for no reason. But I refuse to believe that pills fix everything when they don't. most times they cause more problems so I most definitely refuse to take them. Instead I study and practice homeopathic remedies. They are much better on the body then all the harmful chemicals found in pills and stuff that doctors prescribe. Anyways, this was more of a rant than anything. Sometimes I just like to think that my blog is like a diary and I write whatever. The only difference between a diary and this blog is that one is public and the other is private. But people have bought me many diaries and I never use them for diaries, I write notes in them for everyday things and that but never personal stuff. I don't know why. I am most definitely weird. Maybe because it's too much of a hassle to try and hide a diary from family and I don't like how they can use it as blackmail if they did. I guess my way of thinking is reverse from most people. Oh well. I don't mind what people think of me really. It's their opinion.

boredum creations.

I got bored and I mean really bored. I took a sketch that I have and I colored it in paint. Here's the before and after pictures. Beware the color version is a bit messy since I was using basic paint and even though I was bored I was kind of being lazy too. anyways....

Before.... After...

This is a picture of my role play character that I use for creative writing enhancement. Her name is Ryoko Mitsirughi and yeas she has weird ears, that's because she is a wolf demon. Yes I am weird. Oh well.